Just, wow
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If they did this, I would like them to get permission from Hasbro (because the series-related movies are still under Disney because the 20th Century Fox film studio has that grasp) to use a Rita “Make my monster” soundbyte to have it immediately followed by any of the utterances of “Crooooooow!” from the robot roll call. And thanks to Once and Always, we’ll get a perfectly crisp reading from Barbara Goodson
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Just want to point out that ONE of my picks for Season 14 was actually picked. Come on Skatetown USA!!
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Coming back to this topic with a new set of 12 Picks:
Yeti, Giant of the 20th Century (1977)
Italian (or German?) movie about a Canadian Yeti that looks like Kris Kristofferson. It’s the old thawed out creature motif but this particular creature has a creepy obsession with a Brooke Shields-ey teenager. The whole thing is bad in the best stupid way. Oh yeah and the soundtrack is a disco remix of Carmina Burana that might drive you insane.
RoboWar (1988)
MST has never tackled one of the many many war flicks out there (except the Cold War). Since this one stars Reb “David Ryder” Brown and is super cheesy with plenty of talky jungle scenes it might be good. May be a little on the violent side for MST but there is a lot more walking around in the jungle talking than action. This particular war flick takes us back to the time when the US Military took on a killer robot.
She Devil (1957)
A great Balck and White film. Sort of a Dr Jekkyl/ Mr Hyde where a woman gets a life saving experimental treatment but it turns her into an evil money-grubbing murderer who has the power of invincibility and, inexplicably, changing her hair color at will. Such a great target for riffing.
Santo and Blue Demon vs. Dr. Frankenstein (1974)
Friend of the show Santo teams up with bro Blue Demon to fight evil. But the real story here are our wrestlers respectful and chaste dating lives.
Valley of the Lions (1961)
Pretty typical Sword and Sandals. Hercules meets Tarzan kind of deal. Like most Sword and Sandals flicks, nothing spectacular except maybe a little cheaper and cheesier than usual.
Womens Prison (1955)
Women in prison flick, pretty mild for the genre but probably pretty risque for 1955. Overly dramatic tale of a severe warden of a women’s prison who takes out her anger on the inmates.
Alien Private Eye (1989)
Per IMDB because I couldn’t recall what this film was about: “An alien from a faraway planet who works as a private investigator on Earth gets involved with a quest to retrieve a powerfully addictive drug that was sent to earth on a black disc.”
Star Pilot (1966)
A ragtag bunch of humans discover a spaceship and the aliens aboard force them to help repair the craft then take them to their planet. That sounds simple and boring and mostly is. Except the original manic pixie girl Louisa. Mmmm Louisa.
King Kong Escapes (1967)
The first thing you need to know is that this is a Japanese film. Once you know that, the idea that this is mostly about a Robot King Kong makes a lot more sense. I guess the idea is that this MechaKong will help these scientists get some rare element but then they have to go after the real Kong and there’s a dinosaur to battle? It’s not surprising that the Japanese would make King Kong films. Totally up their kaiju alley.
Atlantis (1991)
Gosh they were trying. Not full screen, not hi def but I can dream can’t I?
Alladin (1986)
Still lobbying for this one. Great “family film” for riffing. Not as dark as Munchie but same typical wish fulfillment for kids kind of story.
A Karate Christmas Miracle
I have to say that the last couple of MST Christmas films have been snoozers for me. I just didn’t like The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t and The Christmas Dragon just dragged for me. I can promise you that this one is so bizarre that the same thing won’t happen.
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Belatedly, my imaginary S14. I think I’ve talked about most of these in detail in other threads already. Going for broke and envisioning 14 episodes, with the most desired ranked the highest.
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The Uncanny 1977. (or Strays, or Whiskers). Just something with killer and/or magical KITTIES, please!
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Ninja Terminator 1985 - because Godfrey Ho has been hailed (?) as Hong Kong’s Ed Wood. So…
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Solarbabies 1986 - Can’t we get BEYOND Thunderdome rip-offs? (No. Sorry.)
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Shock Waves 1977 - Seventies-tastic tropic shenanigans, with David Carradine (for five minutes), undead GMO’d leatherboys (Jonah will look fetching in black vinyl and a skullcap, I’m sure) plus wet-shirted, young Brooke Adams for the boy-bots to leer at.
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Cat Women Of The Moon 1953 - I feel like there’s still plenty to be mined from this stilted absurdity even though RT’s already done it.
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An American Christmas Carol 1979 - Henry Winkler as Scrooge. Do the math.
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Nine Girls 1944 - A cut-rate, ancient whodunnit with the cast really trying their best. The rationed-budget-because-WWII vibe should help alleviate the Seventies-ness of my season a bit. And there has to be some B&W in my dreams anyway or else.
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The Amazing Mr. Blunden 1972 - A classic in Britain. They’ll be mad but hoo boy this thing aged awfully IMHO.
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The Horror At 37,000 Feet 1973 - Shatner and some other actual actors embarrassing themselves and us. Lumpy gravy made-for-TV horror-disaster film cobbling.
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Warp Speed 1981 - Garage sale Sci Fi Adam West. We need him back! <3
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Murder Is Easy 1982 - Yes, Agatha Christie. A couple of the slumming film actors really do their best and everyone else is totally out of their depth. It’d be made-for-TV magic.
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The Pack 1977 - Joe Don Baker, and he’s slim! They’ll have to work a lot harder than usual.
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The Bluebird - Either from 1946 or 1976 would likely work.
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Death Bed: The Bed That Eats 1977 - The only things it lacks in face-peeling badness are Munchie and John Agar.
Shorts (also mentioned before): please, “Time Out For Trouble” and “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?” Also, please go back to that General Hospital B&W well again. 
It wasn’t easy to narrow it down this much. Lots of other recs from others sound cool, but these are (almost) all films that I’ve actually made it through. Apologies that I don’t retroactively have some 1991 movies in there. I made this list before the end of S13.
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I was told there would be no math.
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Are you too pretty for math?
No really if you hate yourself this seasonal dreck is definitely on Le Tube. Even when it premiered, I remember (at the ripe old age of thirteen) noticing that the fluffy disco hair the love interest had was incorrect for any time in the 1930s. And also that she was pawing Scrooge a whole lot given that she was supposed to be the Good Girl and not the Bad Girl. Also, it got a Blu-Ray release which tells you why our civilization is so utterly hosed.
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Yeah The Uncanny is definitely riff-worthy and the short stories in the anthology tend to provide fun self-contained narratives closer to the shorts.
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Since Kevin Murphy won’t be available, who will wear the Kitten Suit this time? 
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Yeah, I’m all for at least one full anthology movie being shown.
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I’d love it if we could have a Festival of Serials just like we’ve had for shorts.
Early-era Joel, explaining to the robots about serials. That’s an underrated bit. 
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“Why would someone go and see part of a movie?”
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It’s been a minute so I am back with not one, not two but three dream seasons for the next few years of MST3K. I tried to balance out genres and decades among seasons. I didn’t summarize each of these, it would take a week but I think I’ve hyperlinked all to their trailers or something like that.
SEASON 14
Alladdin (1986)
I Married a Monster From Outer Space (1958)
Death Sport (1978)
A Karate Christmas Miracle (2019)
The Little Mermaid (1976)
Road to Revenge (1993)
Invisible Man in Mexico (1958)
Escape From Galaxy 3 (Starcrash2) (1981)
Policewomen (1974)
Journey to the Center of the Earth (1988)
Skatetown USA (1979)
Time Runner (1993)
SEASON 15
Santo and Blue Demon vs. Dr. Frankenstein (1974)
Beyond the Time Barrier (1960)
Yeti, Giant of the 20th Century (1977)
High School Hellcats (1958)
The Town That Outlawed Christmas (2000)
RoboWar (1988)
She Devil (1957)
Valley of the Lions (1961)
Womens Prison (1955)
Alien Private Eye (1989)
Star Pilot (1966)
Atlantis (1991)
SEASON 16
The Rare Blue Apes of Cannibal Isle (1974/1975?)
King Kong Escapes (1967)
Monster From Green Hell (1957)
The War of the Robots (1978)
Christy: Santa’s First Female Reindeer (1996) (may be TOO bad) Backup: A Christmas Without Snow (1980)
Unearthly Stranger (1963)
War of the God Monsters (1985)
Empire of the Dark (1990)
Starflight The Plane That Couldn’t Land (1983)
Curucu, Beast of the Amazon (1956)
Doctor of Doom (1963)
Sorority Girl (1957)
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lol I’ve seen some of Christy on Found Footage’s channel.
Fifteen minutes in, they will be mending fences with Munchie the same way Mike did with Krankor. 
Much like The Amazing Bulk it barely qualifies as a movie.
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“I think it was originally conceived as a still photo.”
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Absolutely with the “Rare Blue Apes”! I posted the same thing in another thread.
Could be gold!
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Its pretty goofy and weird. I almost think it would be better for Rifftrax than MST3K.
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I would like to see Freddie the Frog as FRO7 be a choice. It’s such an obscure, bad animated film that is just perfect to be roasted (mmm, frog legs).
Questioning the logic of a man-sized frog who used to be a human prince who has an aunt who turns into a snake…may tale a backseat if the MST guys then encounter he aunt in slinky snake form, singing “Evilmania.”
I could hear Crow going, “so the filmmaker who told this story to his kids was going: ‘and then the sexy snake lady began to sing a pop song with all the most evil human people ever dancing and singing around her.’ Do you think he sang this song to his kid too?’”
Tom: “I assume once he found out Evilmania rhymed with Transylvania, the song just wrote itself.”
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Ive heard Joel or someone explain why animation doesn’t lend itself to riffing: no boom mics or sound equipment showing in the scene, no distracted actors looking off screen or at the camera, no flubs by the performers, etc. And I agree.
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