After this week’s experiment, I’ve been wondering whether there’s something to this take over the universe with a fishman thing. Both Dr. Z and knockoff Two-Face seemed confident they were onto something big, and can two different mad scientists be wrong?
I could probably come up with some kind of plan to dominate the world of competitive swimming or flood the market with water-themed mascots, but there doesn’t seem to be much a fishman can do that a normal person can’t. Let’s open up the floor and see if we can come up with something to justify all this effort.
I would use my fish person to use the carpool lane! Muahahaha!
I would use my fish-person to begin the colonization and eventual takeover of the sea. Once things here topside go totally Mad Max, I become the Immortan Joe of the saline set.
I would teach my fishman to play Terraforming Mars, which is a really fun board game that takes several hours to play. More if you have to do it on the water. Then I would set him up in a swimming pool filled with saltwater and red dye. When Gaos inevitably flies in, thinking it’s fresh blood, that’s when my fishman will strike! Gaos will find himself ensnared in the game, and by the time it dawns on him, it’ll be too late to escape from the sun’s rays. With Gaos defeated, the fishman and I will gain fame and fortune, launching the fishman’s career in Hollywood. The Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Shape of Water, Hellboy, Black Panther 2… Hollywood has demonstrated that there’s a whole spectrum of iconic roles for a fishman, and directors love authenticity (especially if it means they don’t have to pay for costumes, special effects, and underwater stuntmen). Ensconced among the Hollywood elite, the fishman will gradually draw people out of the cult of Scientology and into my cult instead. That’s how I get Demon Squad 3 greenlit, with a big Hollywood budget, and that decision is what cements public good will in my favor. On the strength of that decision, and with the endorsements of Hollywood’s a-list, I run for President. My campaign is only bolstered by the fact that my running mate is the first fishman on a major party ticket. (There’s no rule that says a fishman can’t run for VP!) I can then use the power of the office to help enact wildly popular policies… Which serve as the perfect distraction while I secretly have NASA establish a Moon base with an orbital space station with a movie theater that only shows incredibly cheesy movies… And that’s how I take over the world!
So … you’ve put some thought into this.
It seems all you need is an Igor and some henchmen.
Should the rest of us be concerned?
I would send him to Sushi restaurants to sit in the eye line of patrons and relentlessly, awkwardly stare at them while they eat.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I put thought into it. I was asked the question and I just followed the natural progression from there. But, hey, if anyone wants to a henchperson, I’ll take it.
I would use it to win a bunch of Oscars.
Even better if your fish person happened to be carrying fertilized eggs I bet you could qualify for the bus lanes too!
Have him paint ‘James Cameron Is King Of The Fools!’ on the wreckage of the Titanic.
I’d have mine wreck all the beach parties. Begone, shimming teens and crooning garage bands!
Note: my fish-person is immune to sodium, so neener.
I would attack a candy company.
That’s right, I would make Peecees invade Reese’s and make it Peecee’s Reese’s.
How would I use him for evil?
Step 1: Buy him bagpipes, but not lessons.
It has worked! You’ve given everything away! I know where your fishman breeding pool is!
In case anyone needs some inspiration.
I’d have it chase people around a supermarket’s fish section whilst shouting “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!” with a gurgling underwater voice.
I’d get my fish-person to walk around outside Long John Silver’s with a sandwich board that says “MORE LIKE LONG JOHN TIN FOIL’S, AMIRITE”
Now you’ve given me an idea for evil. I’d create an army of fish men and send them down the drive-thru lanes of the nation’s Long John Silver’s restaurants and demand justice for their departed brethren.
Teach it how to run for American politics.
No matter what side, an American politician is at least slightly evil.
And you know people would vote for him.