Decided to finally put together one of these lists. For a little extra challenge I’m trying to avoid well known B-movies and films that have already been given the Rifftrax treatment.
- The Lost Continent (1968)
The crew of a stranded steamer ship find themselves besieged by killer seaweed, sea monsters, and the descendent of conquistadors in one of Hammer’s Silliest films.
- Strays (1991)
Kathleen Quinlan and Timothy Busfield are besieged by feral, evil cats who don’t seem to be particularly motivated to act scary.
- The New Barbarians AKA Warriors of the Wasteland (1983)
The third film in Enzo G. Castellari’s post apocalyptic trilogy that includes 1999: The Bronx Warriors and Escape 2000 (AKA Attack the Bronx.) Two mercenaries must rescue a caravan from a violent gang who drive around in weaponized golf carts.
- Invisible Child (1999)
What genre of ridiculous cheesy movie has MST3K yet to touch? Why the Lifetime Original Movie. Rita Wilson is a delusional woman who has an imaginary child and Victor Garber is her husband who just sort decides to go along with it. Mae Whitman is a British nanny who gets roped into this madness.
- Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night (1987)
My choice for MST3K’s first animated film. A surprisingly heavy cast (James Earl Jones, Ed Asnery, Don Knotts) star in a sequel the to public domain fairy tale that surely has nothing to do with the Popular Disney version that had recently come out on VHS at this time.
- Live Wire (1992)
Future James Bond Pierce Brosnan plays an explosives expert who has to save Washington DC from a criminal mastermind who has developed a diabolical weapon BOMB WATER! Oh and there’s 100% serious scene where Brosnan has to deal with an exploding clown.
- Red Planet Mars (1952)
Peter Graves and Andrea King are a husband and wife scientist team who receive broadcasts from a utopian society on Mars attracting the attention of the U.S. and Soviet Governments. You might think you know where this is going BUT… it goes somewhere and not in your usual Cold War propaganda direction.
- The Last Dinosaur (1977)
Dinosaurs! Hollow Earth Theory! Richard Boone! Rankin-Bass and Toho collaborate on this bizzaro sci-fi film about a crust old billionaire who really, really wants to shoot himself a T-Rex.
- Revenge of the Red Baron (1995)
A pre-Spider-Man Tobey Maguire and 1939’s top box office draw Mickey Rooney square off against a murderous puppet in a direct-to-video horror film that was marketed as a family adventure film
- Space Amoeba AKA Yog, Monster From Space (1971)
Aliens inhabit a satilite which crashes on an island and begins mutating the creatures into kaiju in this nutty Ishiro Honda joint.
- Assault on Devil’s Island AKA Shadow Warriors (1997)
Hulk Hogan in a very unconvincing hair piece teams up with Carl “Apollo Creed” Weathers to take on a drug-lord.
- Arena (1989)
It’s ROCKY… IN SPACE! An Empire Pictures Production!
From the director of StarCrash comes this ridiculous sword and sandal movie starring TV’s Incredible Hulk Lou Ferrigno and Sybil Danning.